Trudi: I'm glad ladies that you could join me in this jazz bar. I booked a special section for us. Here, Stella, I brought some good cigars. You look like you need one. Grace you need to sit and stop waiving that fur boa at me. Try the caviar, it's excellent here.
Grace: Well, hello girls...You won't guess where I got this boa. I was out shopping for some Bailey's and this man stopped me. He had a carrier basket full of 'stuff', including this boa. It's actually not fur -- ugh, dead animals on my neck? -- no, it's made out of feathers that were 'teased.' Ha, ha ha...Hey, Stella! Cheers!
T: Stella is giving me the silent treatment. That's not good. Grace, did Stella give you the silent treatment on the way here too? Or is it just me? Well, no matter -- the jazz band tonight is really good. They should lift our spirits up. I can't believe you have fake fur. I'd never stoop to buying fake replicas from some street vendor. I love real fur!
G: WHAT?! As if I'd stoop so low to NOT getting a bargain! It's about looks not actual value, m'ah dear! Look who's talking! Why don't you think Stella is talking to you? You are wearing invaluably fake breasts! Yes, that's right, Trudi, I know your secret! You can't hide these things! Hmpf!
T: So you've noticed a difference?? How exciting. I didn't think the first augmentation made a difference, so I got another one. Don't I look fabulous? And they're high quality.
Stella: I will not dignify this topic of conversation with a reply.
T: Oh relax, Stella -- but thanks for finally saying something. My breasts are augmented by little inserts in my bra -- oh hello [waiter comes to their table] ahem... he-he... all natural... aemm... can I have another Cosmopolitan, dear? Thanks. We're talking about how women nowadays would do anything to change their all natural bodies to look like some mannequin in a store window. [waiter leaves] It's not like it was in our days when all natural bodies were considered beautiful. Seriously girls, the wait staff is rude here... won't even let me finish...
S: Double shot of JD!
G: Stella! I thought you wouldn't dignify this with an answer! Not to mention drink Jack Daniels? I thought you hated that liquor. Anyway, I believe we should be more intelligent and discuss more important things such as... hmm... hmm... sorry what was I talking about? (sip, sip) Waiter! How rude -- he just winked at me!
S: Make it a triple!
T: Ah, the band is starting to play!
S: Band? There's a band? Those three, four... six, old guys? We're here to look at, at these old farts improvise? Grace is already gone and you, Trudi are leaking! Girls! What have we become! Waiter! Two more JDs. Now.
T: You're right. Grace is gone -- and so are you Stella! I, on the other hand, couldn't get into it. I shall say goodbye to you. I'll get the chauffer to drive you home now. I'll stay... I'm too sober to leave. I'll meet you for lunch tomorrow? My tea room.
S: I will not take this. First you accuse me of giving you the silent treatment while I suffered through my pre-drinking sober pains and now that my JD is finally fulfilling his calling you want to send me and Gracie -- poor, drunk off her ass Gracie -- home!? No. Three quintuple JDs for this table. Make it four, so that Trudi gets the sobriety stick out of her...avatar bra... hmm... maybe I am a little gone. Not making much sense. Oops. Did I say that out loud? Admit it. Now. Of course not. I didn't just admit that.
T: Like I said, my tea room tomorrow. You're not making any sense... Grace!! Stop stripping! This is a jazz bar, not some hoochie bar! That's it, I'm calling someone over to make sure you get home safely. Oh, why must I suffer by being sober while my dear friends are drunk out of their minds???
[The security guards escort Stella and Grace to their limo, and come back to escort Trudi]
T: What? Me?! But I'm the sane one! Excuse me! I cannot go home sober! That has never happened before...
[Trudi is escorted out]
***
The girls meet for brunch.
Trudi: Oh ladies! Welcome. You won't believe the crazy dream I had last night! I was spinning...well, my head was spinning and there was a guy playing the trumpet and and...for some reason I feel like I need to drink a Cosmopolitan. What did you ladies do last night? I can't remember myself, but I think I just lounged around the mansion. Who's your friend, Grace?
Grace: You had a dream about that?! What a coincidence, I dreamt that I was in a magical castle, but unfortunately I was surrounded by old farts, but I forgave them because they were playing beautiful music for me. And then before I knew it I was standing in my knickers. Oh girls, what happened? And Stella, you were there too!
Stella: I recognise you! (pointing to younger man sitting behind Grace) You! I don't like you. (gives him a piercing gaze) Now, why don't I like you?!
T: Hm. You don't like him Stella but I think Grace does -- very much! You know, I believe that I can't remember last night because I didn't drink enough Cosmos. Wait a minute, I drank Cosmos last night?
G: Oh, you poor forgetful dears! I'll tell you all what happened...so as we were being escorted for my stripping and Stella's drunken rage, our chauffeur was nice enough to take all of us including Trudi to my mansion. But I invited my chauffie to rest for his troubles. And that's all you need to know.
S: It's coming back to me -- in flashes... No!... No! It's not possible. It's not possible that I would -- no! I wouldn't have. Gasp! I think I may have... (looks embarrassed and angry with herself). I got sloshed off JDs. Girls... I've hit a new low.
T: You mean all this really happened? I don't believe it. I do not believe it! Grace, not acting like a lady, Stella drinking JD. I...I didn't eat! We entered the twilight zone. Young man, you cannot tell anyone about this -- do you understand? No one must know. I need rehab. Ladies I'm going to the kitchen to see what good comfort food I have been neglecting.
S: (looking desparate) JD! For crying out loud girls, how could you let me?
G: Don't you worry, from now on it's liquors of water -- clear colorance and no JD, ever! But, at least we know it's the JD that caused our actions and not us. Ha! Stella come along, we'll get the chef to bake us all a rhubarb pie! Tut tut...chauffie, run along!
T: Sounds good Grace. Tell him to make an extra one for me...
S: Food... ah... I don't know if I can eat. Do you have crackers Grace?
G: Crackers? What? You'll have rhubarb. Don't insult me. But maybe I'll put crackers on the bottom of the pie...
Grace: Well, hello girls...You won't guess where I got this boa. I was out shopping for some Bailey's and this man stopped me. He had a carrier basket full of 'stuff', including this boa. It's actually not fur -- ugh, dead animals on my neck? -- no, it's made out of feathers that were 'teased.' Ha, ha ha...Hey, Stella! Cheers!
T: Stella is giving me the silent treatment. That's not good. Grace, did Stella give you the silent treatment on the way here too? Or is it just me? Well, no matter -- the jazz band tonight is really good. They should lift our spirits up. I can't believe you have fake fur. I'd never stoop to buying fake replicas from some street vendor. I love real fur!
G: WHAT?! As if I'd stoop so low to NOT getting a bargain! It's about looks not actual value, m'ah dear! Look who's talking! Why don't you think Stella is talking to you? You are wearing invaluably fake breasts! Yes, that's right, Trudi, I know your secret! You can't hide these things! Hmpf!
T: So you've noticed a difference?? How exciting. I didn't think the first augmentation made a difference, so I got another one. Don't I look fabulous? And they're high quality.
Stella: I will not dignify this topic of conversation with a reply.
T: Oh relax, Stella -- but thanks for finally saying something. My breasts are augmented by little inserts in my bra -- oh hello [waiter comes to their table] ahem... he-he... all natural... aemm... can I have another Cosmopolitan, dear? Thanks. We're talking about how women nowadays would do anything to change their all natural bodies to look like some mannequin in a store window. [waiter leaves] It's not like it was in our days when all natural bodies were considered beautiful. Seriously girls, the wait staff is rude here... won't even let me finish...
S: Double shot of JD!
G: Stella! I thought you wouldn't dignify this with an answer! Not to mention drink Jack Daniels? I thought you hated that liquor. Anyway, I believe we should be more intelligent and discuss more important things such as... hmm... hmm... sorry what was I talking about? (sip, sip) Waiter! How rude -- he just winked at me!
S: Make it a triple!
T: Ah, the band is starting to play!
S: Band? There's a band? Those three, four... six, old guys? We're here to look at, at these old farts improvise? Grace is already gone and you, Trudi are leaking! Girls! What have we become! Waiter! Two more JDs. Now.
T: You're right. Grace is gone -- and so are you Stella! I, on the other hand, couldn't get into it. I shall say goodbye to you. I'll get the chauffer to drive you home now. I'll stay... I'm too sober to leave. I'll meet you for lunch tomorrow? My tea room.
S: I will not take this. First you accuse me of giving you the silent treatment while I suffered through my pre-drinking sober pains and now that my JD is finally fulfilling his calling you want to send me and Gracie -- poor, drunk off her ass Gracie -- home!? No. Three quintuple JDs for this table. Make it four, so that Trudi gets the sobriety stick out of her...avatar bra... hmm... maybe I am a little gone. Not making much sense. Oops. Did I say that out loud? Admit it. Now. Of course not. I didn't just admit that.
T: Like I said, my tea room tomorrow. You're not making any sense... Grace!! Stop stripping! This is a jazz bar, not some hoochie bar! That's it, I'm calling someone over to make sure you get home safely. Oh, why must I suffer by being sober while my dear friends are drunk out of their minds???
[The security guards escort Stella and Grace to their limo, and come back to escort Trudi]
T: What? Me?! But I'm the sane one! Excuse me! I cannot go home sober! That has never happened before...
[Trudi is escorted out]
***
The girls meet for brunch.
Trudi: Oh ladies! Welcome. You won't believe the crazy dream I had last night! I was spinning...well, my head was spinning and there was a guy playing the trumpet and and...for some reason I feel like I need to drink a Cosmopolitan. What did you ladies do last night? I can't remember myself, but I think I just lounged around the mansion. Who's your friend, Grace?
Grace: You had a dream about that?! What a coincidence, I dreamt that I was in a magical castle, but unfortunately I was surrounded by old farts, but I forgave them because they were playing beautiful music for me. And then before I knew it I was standing in my knickers. Oh girls, what happened? And Stella, you were there too!
Stella: I recognise you! (pointing to younger man sitting behind Grace) You! I don't like you. (gives him a piercing gaze) Now, why don't I like you?!
T: Hm. You don't like him Stella but I think Grace does -- very much! You know, I believe that I can't remember last night because I didn't drink enough Cosmos. Wait a minute, I drank Cosmos last night?
G: Oh, you poor forgetful dears! I'll tell you all what happened...so as we were being escorted for my stripping and Stella's drunken rage, our chauffeur was nice enough to take all of us including Trudi to my mansion. But I invited my chauffie to rest for his troubles. And that's all you need to know.
S: It's coming back to me -- in flashes... No!... No! It's not possible. It's not possible that I would -- no! I wouldn't have. Gasp! I think I may have... (looks embarrassed and angry with herself). I got sloshed off JDs. Girls... I've hit a new low.
T: You mean all this really happened? I don't believe it. I do not believe it! Grace, not acting like a lady, Stella drinking JD. I...I didn't eat! We entered the twilight zone. Young man, you cannot tell anyone about this -- do you understand? No one must know. I need rehab. Ladies I'm going to the kitchen to see what good comfort food I have been neglecting.
S: (looking desparate) JD! For crying out loud girls, how could you let me?
G: Don't you worry, from now on it's liquors of water -- clear colorance and no JD, ever! But, at least we know it's the JD that caused our actions and not us. Ha! Stella come along, we'll get the chef to bake us all a rhubarb pie! Tut tut...chauffie, run along!
T: Sounds good Grace. Tell him to make an extra one for me...
S: Food... ah... I don't know if I can eat. Do you have crackers Grace?
G: Crackers? What? You'll have rhubarb. Don't insult me. But maybe I'll put crackers on the bottom of the pie...
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