The 3 Old Chics - Jazzy Drinks

Trudi: I'm glad ladies that you could join me in this jazz bar. I booked a special section for us. Here, Stella, I brought some good cigars. You look like you need one. Grace you need to sit and stop waiving that fur boa at me. Try the caviar, it's excellent here.

Grace: Well, hello girls...You won't guess where I got this boa. I was out shopping for some Bailey's and this man stopped me. He had a carrier basket full of 'stuff', including this boa. It's actually not fur -- ugh, dead animals on my neck? -- no, it's made out of feathers that were 'teased.' Ha, ha ha...Hey, Stella! Cheers!

T: Stella is giving me the silent treatment. That's not good. Grace, did Stella give you the silent treatment on the way here too? Or is it just me? Well, no matter -- the jazz band tonight is really good. They should lift our spirits up. I can't believe you have fake fur. I'd never stoop to buying fake replicas from some street vendor. I love real fur!

G: WHAT?! As if I'd stoop so low to NOT getting a bargain! It's about looks not actual value, m'ah dear! Look who's talking! Why don't you think Stella is talking to you? You are wearing invaluably fake breasts! Yes, that's right, Trudi, I know your secret! You can't hide these things! Hmpf!

T: So you've noticed a difference?? How exciting. I didn't think the first augmentation made a difference, so I got another one. Don't I look fabulous? And they're high quality.

Stella: I will not dignify this topic of conversation with a reply.

T: Oh relax, Stella -- but thanks for finally saying something. My breasts are augmented by little inserts in my bra -- oh hello [waiter comes to their table] ahem... he-he... all natural... aemm... can I have another Cosmopolitan, dear? Thanks. We're talking about how women nowadays would do anything to change their all natural bodies to look like some mannequin in a store window. [waiter leaves] It's not like it was in our days when all natural bodies were considered beautiful. Seriously girls, the wait staff is rude here... won't even let me finish...

S: Double shot of JD!

G: Stella! I thought you wouldn't dignify this with an answer! Not to mention drink Jack Daniels? I thought you hated that liquor. Anyway, I believe we should be more intelligent and discuss more important things such as... hmm... hmm... sorry what was I talking about? (sip, sip) Waiter! How rude -- he just winked at me!

S: Make it a triple!

T: Ah, the band is starting to play!

S: Band? There's a band? Those three, four... six, old guys? We're here to look at, at these old farts improvise? Grace is already gone and you, Trudi are leaking! Girls! What have we become! Waiter! Two more JDs. Now.

T: You're right. Grace is gone -- and so are you Stella! I, on the other hand, couldn't get into it. I shall say goodbye to you. I'll get the chauffer to drive you home now. I'll stay... I'm too sober to leave. I'll meet you for lunch tomorrow? My tea room.

S: I will not take this. First you accuse me of giving you the silent treatment while I suffered through my pre-drinking sober pains and now that my JD is finally fulfilling his calling you want to send me and Gracie -- poor, drunk off her ass Gracie -- home!? No. Three quintuple JDs for this table. Make it four, so that Trudi gets the sobriety stick out of her...avatar bra... hmm... maybe I am a little gone. Not making much sense. Oops. Did I say that out loud? Admit it. Now. Of course not. I didn't just admit that.

T: Like I said, my tea room tomorrow. You're not making any sense... Grace!! Stop stripping! This is a jazz bar, not some hoochie bar! That's it, I'm calling someone over to make sure you get home safely. Oh, why must I suffer by being sober while my dear friends are drunk out of their minds???

[The security guards escort Stella and Grace to their limo, and come back to escort Trudi]

T: What? Me?! But I'm the sane one! Excuse me! I cannot go home sober! That has never happened before...

[Trudi is escorted out]

***

The girls meet for brunch.

Trudi: Oh ladies! Welcome. You won't believe the crazy dream I had last night! I was spinning...well, my head was spinning and there was a guy playing the trumpet and and...for some reason I feel like I need to drink a Cosmopolitan. What did you ladies do last night? I can't remember myself, but I think I just lounged around the mansion. Who's your friend, Grace?

Grace: You had a dream about that?! What a coincidence, I dreamt that I was in a magical castle, but unfortunately I was surrounded by old farts, but I forgave them because they were playing beautiful music for me. And then before I knew it I was standing in my knickers. Oh girls, what happened? And Stella, you were there too!

Stella: I recognise you! (pointing to younger man sitting behind Grace) You! I don't like you. (gives him a piercing gaze) Now, why don't I like you?!

T: Hm. You don't like him Stella but I think Grace does -- very much! You know, I believe that I can't remember last night because I didn't drink enough Cosmos. Wait a minute, I drank Cosmos last night?

G: Oh, you poor forgetful dears! I'll tell you all what happened...so as we were being escorted for my stripping and Stella's drunken rage, our chauffeur was nice enough to take all of us including Trudi to my mansion. But I invited my chauffie to rest for his troubles. And that's all you need to know.

S: It's coming back to me -- in flashes... No!... No! It's not possible. It's not possible that I would -- no! I wouldn't have. Gasp! I think I may have... (looks embarrassed and angry with herself). I got sloshed off JDs. Girls... I've hit a new low.

T: You mean all this really happened? I don't believe it. I do not believe it! Grace, not acting like a lady, Stella drinking JD. I...I didn't eat! We entered the twilight zone. Young man, you cannot tell anyone about this -- do you understand? No one must know. I need rehab. Ladies I'm going to the kitchen to see what good comfort food I have been neglecting.

S: (looking desparate) JD! For crying out loud girls, how could you let me?

G: Don't you worry, from now on it's liquors of water -- clear colorance and no JD, ever! But, at least we know it's the JD that caused our actions and not us. Ha! Stella come along, we'll get the chef to bake us all a rhubarb pie! Tut tut...chauffie, run along!

T: Sounds good Grace. Tell him to make an extra one for me...

S: Food... ah... I don't know if I can eat. Do you have crackers Grace?

G: Crackers? What? You'll have rhubarb. Don't insult me. But maybe I'll put crackers on the bottom of the pie...

The 3 Old Chics - Way off the board

On a cruise-ship somewhere in the Carribean, the old chics are basking in the sun by the main pool on this luxurious boat…

Trudi: (walking up to Stella and Grace with drinks) So how are you girls enjoying this cruise? Here, have a drink. (Plops down on a poolside bed).

Stella: Oh. Are drinks allowed here???? These puritanical, environmentalist pansies tell me I can’t smoke but they allow DRINKING? I swear, if I see another ‘no smoking’ sign I will throw some of these chairs overboard, and then the stuff!

Grace: You think you’ve got problems Stella? Have you looked around at the male population on this floating contraption? They either have porcelain teeth or beer bellies the size of a barrel. And the only young chaps around are middle aged! You call this a cruise? It’s a hospital for the healthy! Ugh!

T: I do believe the barmen are quite young. So do get ready for a long and fun evening, Grace.

S: And get me some cigarettes from them! I’ve already gone through my batch and I’m on my reserves!

G: Well girls, although this trip isn’t as successful as we hoped, at least we get to visit the waters of Sri Lanka!

T: Honey? No. We’re not in Sri Lanka. I know you’ve been reading up on it lately but really – check sober/drunk levels before you start talking!

S: Blah, blah, blah. Who cares where we are when I can’t have a cigarette and the moment I do some old fogey will rat on me to the crew…

G: Muahahaha! Look who’s talking, Miss Fogey of Sri Lanka! I still say that 70 years old and a bartender is fogeyish! And plus, they’re spirited, coffees are just spices and coffee! Who does that? I need a White Russian! Girls… we need to figure something out…

T: A mission? We’re going on a mission? Yes!!! Ladies! Let’s stand together (quickly gets up off her chair) and go together against this…! SPLASH!! (Trudi falls into the pool) HE-ELP!!! (After some trouble makes her way out of the pool)

S: (stands up) Let’s do this for all the young people on this boat! All those uncorrupted by modern ideaologies. But first, a toast. We have to start this the right way!

G: (lifts up her Brandy glass) To all the young pecs, full haired and upright standing males with gorgeous tans, to the energy of the young Cuban cleaning pool boys, and to the long lasting cigarettes of Sri Lanka and sweet tasting Amarretto Coffees… Cheers to young longevity and drunken senility… off to search for fun…

T: Thanks for taking advantage of the situation! I fall into the pool and you take over my speech! So, what exactly are we going to do, huh? I’m hungry, so I note we go to the buffet but – gasp! – the dining area is closed right now, it’s not lunch time yet. I think we can sneak in through the back. Oh and by the way Grace we’re not in Sri Lanka! (takes in deep breath) I need a cigarette now! I think I have a spare pack in my room! Oops, shouldn’t have said that out loud in front of Stella!

S: You would hold out on me like this??? Fine then. Regardless of how good a friend you are – the mission needs accomplishing! Plan A: we make it into the captain’s cabin. Reason 1: to turn this ship around. I can’t be on it for a WEEK! Reason 2: I bet the bastard has tons of goods in that hideout.

T: Like dessert??? Yes let’s go! (takes a few steps wobbling from side to side, while her face turns green) Woah – mumble, mumble – I don’t feel so good… I think I’m sea sick… must walk towards the edge…

S: What sort of a team is this? One member is sick and the other one lost. Oh boy. Come on Grace, let’s follow Trudi “to the edge” and hopefully that’ll get us closer to the Captain’s cabin.

T: To the edge!! Follow me!! (They walk towards the bow of the boat. Trudi leans over) I’m the Queen of the World!! Look girls – the water is so pretty! (Breaks into a song) Oh so pretty! I’m so prett-y! La-la!

G: Pour some more wine! You’ll all be fine! Now where is Captain Bob? We must make him stop, in pretty Malaysia; there, we will stop off for some CIGARS! But, I’ve also heard our dear Captain is of our young generation gals, time to head over!

T: I’m so pretty! Oh so pretty… S: Which way? Which way? Hm. I knew the emergency exits maps were good for something. This way gals! (They reach the cabin. Trudi is holding on to the door frame, looking sick, Grace is at the window pointing to nothing and looking giddy, and Stella starts searching through the dear Captain’s belongings. With time she is madly throwing his things around.) I know he has something hidden here!

T: Soooooo! Prettyyy!!!!

G: Look, it’s Sri Lanka! (looking at the island, giddily) I bet the Captain here has some pictures, let’s see if he has a wife! If not, well, um, well…

T: Stella! Relax! You won’t look so pretty if you stay so angry! Let’s go to my room and we’ll share my pack of cigs – secretly, with the ventilation turned on in the bathroom so the smoke alarm doesn’t go off.

S: Girls, grab everything on the dresser and we’ll have fun figuring out just what kind of a man he is… while enjoying the vintage merlot I brought! (The cabin door opens and in comes Captain Bob).

T: Oh! Hello! You’re so pretty… I mean, handsome. Hee, hee.

G: My dear Captain you are probably wondering what 3 beautiful ladies are doing in your quarters, well there is a simple explanation for that. Stella here is your long lost cousin! Yes, you don’t know it but that cousin you thought died in a plane accident swam to the shores of Sri Lanka and has now decided to meet up with you… so umm… hi! (The Captain does not seem impressed).

S: Ha-ha-ha! That was just a joke. You see, Trudi here, is your long lost girlfriend from high school. Well, girlfriend might be a stretch. But, you had that moment. At that place. That day. Remember??? She’s searched for you so-o long…

T: That’s right! So you see I was just trying to find you… and well here you are… oh – I don’t feel so good… (throws up on the poor Captain).

***

(A while later; Trudi, Stella and Grace are in an airplane; They’re flying back home after being asked to leave the boat).

G: I must say, quite the successful trip eh, Trudi? Well, I didn’t see Sri Lanka but I saw Trudi’s last week’s breakfast. Ha-ha!

S: We must admit: the mission was accomplished. To this I propose a toast! To being on land. To convenience, stores nearby and no non-smoking signs in sight! To GOOD coffee shops! To BAD attitudes! Getting kicked off the Fogey Boat and being able to see Trudi throw up on Captain Bob’s shoes and Grace taking advantage of his shock! Cheers!

T: Ah… We’re so pretty. Oh so pretty.

---------------------------------------------------

The 3 Old Chics - Girls Night In

Our ladies of leisureliness have come together at Grace's estate. Quickly filling up on their usual vices and getting comfortable in a house full of scantily clad servants, they are once again ready for some inactive fun…

T: Gracie, it was so great of you to invite us to your house for our Ladies’ Night In. The winter this year is just bitin’! Mind you, I don’t mind biting—when it’s us who do it. Oh, Stella! How can you pass gas now!?! You’re going to scare the cute servants away!

S: (throws a macaroon at her)

G: Trudi, you HAVE to eat that now!!!

T: Oh! You two are stressing me out—need to light up two cigarettes now. Humph! Can’t even take some criticism.

S: Eat a filter—it would do your mouth good. Now, who spiked the coffee? You are BOTH…drunk.

T: Ha! …forgot what I was going to say.

G: Belvedere!! Bring on the more, I mean bring more liquor, these gabs are too serious! Now, now, we've got important things to discuss. What movies have you viewed recently? I just recently saw The Hours. You two?

S: Getting on to business with more bevy? I’m surprised you’re coherent. Now, where’s your scantily clad service? My cup is almost empty! Girls, you look like you might get all touchy-feely. Gah. I saw The Two Towers.

T: Hmm…Huh? What did you two say? I’m sorry I was just checking out the scrumptious behind of Lazarus. Gracie, do you always make your servants wear such skimpy outfits?

G: Oh, what, you mean loincloths are skimpy?!

S: No, no…they’re just fine. Do I have something on my nose?

T: Yeah, I think you flicked your cigarette on your nose. But that’s not so surprising since you can’t see past your own nose…oh, I’m mean. Stella, I think your meanness is rubbing off on me. And you know why?! I’ll tell you why! …hold on let me think about this…oh yes…I got food poisoning last week!! Oh, was it everlasting… …Lazarus! Pour me another drink! Need to drown in my sorrows.

S: If I cared, my dear, I would be insulted. As for meanness rubbing off—I’m glad—it’ll do you good. Grace, where did you get the inspiration for the services’ outfits? I think the Lord of the Rings people should seek advice from you…Certain elves, or no, no, some are too scrawny. Certain dirty kings…eh, maybe not. Nevertheless, I admire the genius.

G: Welllll, actually, I went on a safari in the North of Sweden, and found these three dancing around an igloo and I just picked them up from there and they haven’t changed since…Holy *#@! I’m drunk or on a caffeine high! Hmm, Lord of the Rings, Mr. Elf Boy, his attire of tight leggings and long blond locks, THERE is a man. Belvedere! I need some gin and tonic!

S: Yes, that cough sounds chronic. Ah…There’s the last cigarette.

(Trudi makes a mad dash for it and shoves it in her mouth. A smug expression appears on her face.)

S: You evil little…argh!!!! No words to describe, I, I, …SERVICE, double gin and tonic, NOW!!!

T: I need this cig! My life depends on them! Now, then...let’s get down to business. I, personally, really like how Peter Jackson embellished the estrogen side of the story. I think that’s what made the movie. Without the aspect it’d be complete crapola! And it was also a good marketing strategy on the director’s part, you know? I mean. Not only little boys want to see adventurous fantasy movies…old drunk women want to watch them too, you know?

S: Yes, we could very well be any one of the dazzling leading ladies. Just a band of boys wouldn’t be as much fun. Especially since over half are so damn short and every opponent is simply hideous. Some pretty dresses are nice to see on more than Legolas…
G: I especially liked the outfits on the elf queen and Arwen. The jewelry, EXQUISITE!! I must say, whoever the costume designer was must have been acquainted with me at one time or another, otherwise the costumes would have definitely been lower in quality…Whatever the case, I have to say that I am an influence in the costume world…muahahahah…(evil voice:) we must kill them…(innocent voice:) but master they are my friends…(evil voice:) do not listen to such foolishness, you are the queen of the chics…(innocent voice:) but master, I want to have myyyyy pppreccciousssss…my cig…(evil voice:) we will get it, just trust me, you must listen to me, they are just using you and are not your friends, I am your only friend…(innocent voice:) okay, okay, Gracie will lead them to the cig, Gracie will listen, Gracie has no friends, the precious is her only friend…

(Trudi and Stella laugh nervously while Grace looks away)

T: Gracie! Gracie? Stella, Grace looks odd. I believe she had toooo much alcohol—not that such a state really exists for us. But I believe she’s had at least thrice as much as we did. Maybe if the service would take her to bed she’ll have happy dreams?

S: The service…take her…to bed…What?

T: Oh, come on, Stella! You know that kind of medicine is the only one that works for Grace.

S: Medicine…pills, alcohol, cigarettes. Men are just substitutes. Regardless, I have lost my train of thought. Oh yes, Grace, we were talking about something. I can’t recall. You must show us the way, back…

G: Yessssss, the way, the way to some action, gals. Off to journey! Must hastily depart! Good night!

The 3 Old Chics - Almost Literary

In a quiet open-air café, with distinct French décor, the Chics meet again; Stella and Trudi are waiting impatiently…

S: Trudi, there’s too much fresh air here, it’s simply overpowering my cigarettes.

T: Yes, I agree. Whose idea was it to come here anyway?

S: Whose idea is it always? [Pauses] And who’s always late?

T: Well, Grace better show up this time, otherwise coming here will be such a waste of time! Fresh air, no alcohol—and I don’t think the food is great either. Oh the torture!

S: Maybe she already came and she’s got some scary waiter with her in the bathroom…

[Grace walks in]
G: Hellooo, girls. So sorry I’m late. It’s been a crazy day out in the city, just beefy I tell you. So—um, just wait one sec, I’ll go get a moccacino. You two keep on chatting until I get back.

T: Oh Stella! She’s really going back to the bathroom to meet the scary waiter, isn’t she?

S: Exactly! But you know what, I think they do have alcoholic coffees here…[sees Grace coming back] perhaps we could toast to Grace coming so early?

T: Great idea!! Grace, chat with Stella and I’ll go up and order some alcoholic coffees. Would you like one to go with your boring soft moccacino?

G: Oh yes darling, please, Irish Cream. So, Stella, tell me what I’ve missed. Of course, gossip as well. But the priority this evening is BOOKS! What have you read lately? Ok, actually, I’ll go first and tell you about what I stumbled upon in the area just a few weeks past. I entered this “olde book store” and was mystified by the copious amounts of works displayed. Of course, lots of old books, but most importantly: Dragon books. Yes, my weakness…

S: Fabulous, Grace. Honestly, I can’t remember the last book I read, but I’m sure I didn’t like it. Oh, how could we send Trudi to get coffees!?!? She’ll come back with a whole chocolate cake…

G: Oh, c’mon Stella, you and I can handle as much chocolate cake as SHE can. Hmph! Well, on with the book I read…I completely fell in love with it. It’s actually more than a book, heh heh, it’s a trilogy—Dragon Prince, Star Scrolls and Exiles. Oh, you should read them! I’ve only just gone through the first one and it has to do with this hierarchy in this land in the desert, oh, and incredible dragon warriors. It’s about love and magic, and has that touch of humour… [clasps hands while looking up in a daydreaming fashion]

S: Coffees…

T: Oh dahlings! I’m back. Grace—you’re so talkative! Thank god I’m back in the nick of time…for…cheesecake to accompany our alcoholic coffees! By the way, there are two coffees for each one of us, plus, there will be more coming soon—for each of us, of course. Now, let me at the biggest slice of cheesecake—did lots of work bringing the coffees over. [in a split second she has huge slice in front of her] Great. Oh, now I’ve become the chatty one. What are we talking about?

S: Books…

G: I was just talking about Dragon Prince. What have you read lately, Trudi?

T: Oh! It’s a great book: The Color of Distance.

S: Why don’t I remember a great book to talk about? Seriously, girls, I read, I do. It must be the medication and memory effect again…These coffees are horrible! Trudi, what did you ask for? Do you even know? Ugh! Maybe the second will be better…

T: I spend my precious energy to bring us coffee and you’re complaining??? Stella, is something stressing you out? [No response, or maybe no time for one as Trudi continues] Well, I’m sure you’ll tell us eventually—after the second or third cup of ‘horrible’ coffee maybe...Oh, so now she’s leaving! Great. Well, Grace, let me tell you about the great book I read—mmm, good cheesecake. A woman astronaut ends up on an alien planet and her whole team dies. There are these alien creatures that rescue her. They’re frog-like and…well, before I get to the rest, I must compliment the author on her vivid descriptions of the alien foods! [Sighs] Oh, do they sound delicious. I’m almost tempted to believe that they really do exist. Do you think if I gave a big enough amount of money, NASA would find such a planet and take me there? Or better yet, just bring the foods? [Sighs again] Ah yes…food, my passion. You wouldn’t mind if I helped myself to another piece of cheesecake would you? Don’t worry, Stella won’t notice. She’s too busy complaining about alcohol—there’s something really wrong with hers.

S: [Sits back down] Wow, I really don’t have much to say these days. But it’s nice that you two seem to be the chatterboxes today. [Sips coffee no. four] Well, well, this isn’t half as bad as the others!

T: Oh finally! Told you alcohol is always good—perks you right up! So is something bothering you or not, Stella?

S: Fine! You’ve asked to hear the horrible truth. I went to my corner store this morning—you know, my morning walk, all thirty seconds of it—and they no longer stock my first and third favorite kinds of cigarettes. And to makes things worse…

G: Stella!!! It’s a sign!!! You need to switch brands, those filters were too strong. It’s all about the heavy-duty cigarettes. Oh, hunny, wake up and smell the coffee. Literally, here’s java number six. Mmm.

T: I think she had enough coffee smelling, don’t you? She’s had five of them already! I propose a moment of silence to commemorate this terrible tragedy! Girls…

S: Shall we commemorate on the way to the corner store right by this café? I’m pretty sure they’d have my favorites; I need a fix. And maybe we ought to try some lighter filters…you know, the spice of life and everything.

G: Sounds fabulous. Let’s go girls. If we can make it out of the café without falling over…hic…off we go. [They all start to get up]

T: Ok, let’s go…Just grabbing that last piece of cheesecake. You girls don’t want it, right?

The 3 Old Chics - Movies and Irish Cream

A beautiful summer day, Stella is waiting for her compatriots inside the rather trendy sidewalk café…

Stella: Why, Trudi, darling, how nice of you to…show up.

Trudi: Ah dahlin'! So glad to see you too! I rushed over as fast as I could... Grace mentioned that this is a very important meeting.

Stella: Yes, well, she ought to be here on time then, wouldn't you say?

Trudi: Maybe she's having some apple pie!

Stella: More likely some young idiot of a pup sidetracked her.

Trudi: Ooh.... then she'll have a tale to tell.

Stella: Gracie and her men, I could write a book about it. But why bother?

Trudi: Yes, I suppose so. Have you got a light?

Stella: Of course! Who do you think you are talking to? I never leave the house with out at least three.

Trudi: Ah thanks... I was craving a cigarette...and would you believe it - I bought a pack just yesterday and today *poof* they're gone!

Stella: You bought ONE pack you say? Silly girl, you should at least get a carton.

Trudi: You are right, as always, Stella, but what can I say, I got sidetracked at the convenience store. I saw the cutest assortment of butter cookies.

Stella: And you bought boxes of THOSE, I presume.

Trudi: Yes....but by the time I got home they were all gone.

Stella: Hm. Well, I don't know about the food here and rather wouldn't recommend the coffee but put a little alcohol in it and it passes. I just wish the waitress would be familiar with more than Irish Cream.

Trudi: Ah, Stella... you seem less sarcastic than usual. I'm so glad to see you in such a good mood!!!

Stella: Yes, well, not one of my lighters has failed me, yet, today.

Trudi: Then today is a blessed day. What are the names of the pills you were taking?

Stella: Oh those, yes, there's that too. I wouldn't remember though. They say memory loss is a sign of old age. Ha! It's simply a side effect of some of my medications.

Trudi: Mind if I have one? I don't think my day is going as good as yours...you see we ran out of my favorite cheesecake this morning! I had to have sweet tarts for breakfast instead!!!!

Stella: Yes, well, you have shared in the past, dear girl, so here you are.

Trudi: *sigh**gulp* Thank you.

Stella: It says take one a day but I find groups of five or six make them more effective.

Trudi: I agree. Mmm.... this is a good drink. I don't mind the Irish Cream actually.

Stella: Well, maybe if you were on your third like me you would.

Trudi: Wow, these pills are taking effect quite quickly.

Stella: Yes, I am sure the Irish Cream is helping. As I say, never wash down a good pill with anything but halfway decent alcohol.

Trudi: Ye-es.... *hiccup* Things look.... hmm.... a little purple.

Stella: Personally, I see it as a dark gray but, yes, they look better don't they?

Trudi: You know, I feel like I'm in a different world.... just like... in Lord of the Rings. Have you seen that one? Those hobbits are strange little people.

Stella: Yes. I thought that big battle would be occurring. All the bloodshed was such an incentive. Have to say I was a bit disappointed...

Trudi: Why?

Stella: There wasn't enough.

Trudi: Yes...I see your point....I think, *hiccup*....but the colors were well chosen for the different takes and shots... For example, the scene in the beginning at Bilbo's party: Hobbitton looked so rich and colorful! All that food!

Stella: I wouldn't know about that. The scenery was gorgeous though. Yes. We should go to New Zealand. Get one of those do nothing luxury tours.

Trudi: Do nothing....I like the concept.

Stella: Yes, we would sit back and watch the lovely scenery pass us by. But I do have to say - and I will only admit it while on these pills - that I couldn't help but keep my eyes on that blond elf.

Trudi: Ah yes....What was his name?

Stella: His name? Who cares! Only his looks mattered.

Trudi: Yes. Do you think he'd go for us? We are such a pack of great fun!

Stella: Us? Darling, are you being delusional? The elf, you can surly figure out, is MINE. The hobbits eat more. You may have The Shire.

Trudi: Yeah...but they're a bit short, no? And those feet! That was a little too realistic for me.

Stella: The easier for you to steal their food.

Trudi: Oh you always think! Of course!

Stella: Speaking of short people…

Trudi: Uh-huh?

Stella: That Harry Potter boy. He reminded me of my first love.

Trudi: Really? Tell me more - for some reason I can't picture you all happy and rose-cheeked.

Stella: Well, before I pushed him out of the tree house my ninth year.

Trudi: Oh, yes, of course....I can picture that very well. Was he all right?

Stella: His scar was slightly larger, you mind.

Trudi: He he he he

Stella: But he lived.

Trudi: Oh good. I felt so sorry for Harry in the first part of the movie. All those clothes that were too big on him, they made him look even more malnutritioned than he was.

Stella: Yes, but that fat cousin of his. Always eating. Ugh. I had to open a new pack every other scene.

Trudi: I was so angry with the Dursleys for not feeding him properly that I started yelling at them in the theatre...until I got escorted out.

Stella: You got WHAT?

Trudi: Well.... how could you keep food away from someone! That's not right. I could feel Harry's pain.

Stella: Asked out of the theater???

Trudi: Well, yes. I was yelling at the Dursleys...and only realized later that I was screaming at the screen. They're not real, you know.

Stella: How dare they ask you to leave!!!!

Trudi: I know. But I did go see it again the very next day. And anyway, I felt so hungry that I went out for a nice banana split.

Stella: You know, they tried to ask me to leave halfway through my first pack of cigarettes.

Trudi: *GASP* You're kidding! Don't they know that means suicide for you?

Stella: Exactly. Lousy good for nothing kids. Like I don't know that they are working there to make money for their heroine and cocaine habits. Indecent little narcotic brats.

Trudi: Well, they do get free popcorn.

Stella: Only you would consider that a perk, my dear.

Trudi: But overall, what did you think of the first Harry Potter film?

Stella: I thought it was charming. The three-headed dog, the two-faced man, the chess game: good violence the kids can enjoy. All it lacked was the blond elf.

Trudi: I loved the Great Hall scenes the best.

Stella: When the food appears. You would…

Trudi: You know it was a reproduction of the Great Hall in Christ Church College in Oxford, England, but 1.5 times bigger. Ah, that's my heaven! Do you think I can reserve a luxury spot like that in heaven? For the right price you can buy anything, right?

Stella: Of course, darling. Don't you question it. And even if there's no such spot, as I have heard said: I'm sure God negotiates.

Trudi: I noticed the number of fantasy movies on the rise...Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Star Wars, and now there’s another one coming up with dragons or something.

Stella: Yes, people apparently are tired of dreary life.

Trudi: Oh that's awful, there's so much to enjoy. But I must agree that getting to escape into a fantasy world is great, whether aided by films…or pills.

Stella: And thank goodness they've stopped the historical movies. All I need is a history lesson when I want to be entertained. I lived through half of the stuff anyway!

Trudi: Yes, those were getting a bit boring. And most of the time, they're not very accurate, right? I mean, we can remember every detail.... hey, have I taken one or two coffees so far?

Stella: I've lost count. But at least there are sequels to be seen soon. I will have to remember to pencil them in.

Trudi: Sequels! *Gasp* I love 'em.Stella: I do believe that my last drink did not have a double shot like I asked. Useless service here. Just disgraceful.

Trudi: Shall we find a new place for our next meeting? This reminds me....where's Grace?

Stella: Yes, we should. And maybe this time we should have an escort for Grace.

Trudi: *giggle**cackle*

Stella: Not than kind of escort!

Trudi: *cackle...*-ahem. Sorry.

Stella: Yes. I would expect you to make such a connection...

Trudi: Speaking of which.... I think that's her coming in!

Stella: Ah! Gracie. Decided to show up when Trudi is good and hammered. Oh, excuse me, I didn't mean to use such utterly foul language.

Grace: Ah….So sorry my dears! I was rummaging through my old trunk up in the attic and found old love letters – addressed to me, of course – and once I started reading them the time just flew by.

Trudi: Oh! If only we had time to listen to your memories. But, I’m afraid that our meeting has come to an end. *hiccup*

Stella: Yes. I don’t think Trudi could handle another Irish Cream coffee. Besides, we were just discussing changing our meeting place. The service here is absolutely dreadful.

Trudi: She is in such a good mood today, don’t you think?

Grace: Oh, that’s too bad. I thought you would be up for one of my stories. *Sigh* Well, I guess I’ll have to tell you next time. But you must promise me to read some good books to discuss. The topic for our next meeting will be fiction. *Giggle*